I like to be vulnerable at all times but I find it hard to keep its presence for long. I'm sure you reading this post might also have found it difficult to manage it. I always ask myself that why can't I just be me and not worry about others' opinions. Well, just being yourself doesn't necessarily mean you are vulnerable.

I've added some definitions and quotes in this post from this article to help me understand the meaning of vulnerability and to express my understanding of it.

Vulnerability can look like many different things. It can be confessing your desire to do something, or it might be expressing fear or shame you have. Being vulnerable can be big or little actions; regardless of the size, you just have to be opening yourself up to the uncertainty of the response.

Well, that above definition perfectly describes what vulnerability is. I'd want to be that person who really isn't afraid to express what one really and truly feels about something.

I'm vulnerable now as I'm learning to be one, but not completely. Like I said before, being vulnerable is hard. Considering my upbringing, I grew up in an influence that led me to believe sharing my thoughts, ideas, solutions, desires, or wants would result in stupidity, immaturity, foolishness, or even disgust. Such influence never ended, actually, it happened to continue feeding my personality for a long long time, years. Later, when I've moved on and lived in different environments despite the good influence that I've received from the new place and mates, I happened to keep my prior habits and conditioning about invulnerability still intact.

Moreover, just the past influence that I have had is not the only reason for me to be invulnerable. It's also because of my self-talk. Adding negative self-talk as an add-on to my invulnerability package, made my personality more strong and unbreakable. Consequently, being invulnerable became a survival mechanism for me.

So, what should I do now to become vulnerable? Well, we can read or talk to people about it. I suggest you do both such as read articles on the internet, I'm sure there are many. And also try talking about it with people who are close to you. I know that talking might not suit sometimes because we don't want to share such thoughts which is why I will write some tips that I will be learning and incorporating to nip this invulnerability in the bud. I'm sure you can also find it extremely useful.

“Vulnerability is the core of shame and fear and our struggle for worthiness, but it appears that it's also the birthplace of joy, of creativity, of belonging, of love.” - Brown, author of Daring Greatly."

I like to add studies made by Brown about the people who handle vulnerability well and extend it:

• No matter how things pan out in life, these people know their sense of worthiness. Which tells me that it's so obvious that we don't have control on everything and unexpected things always happen in our life. So in order to tackle this issue, you really need to spend time knowing yourself. Why? Okay, let me tell you an example. Haven't we heard that sometimes even some deserving candidates get a rejection at a job interview? and they don't feel bad about it. These individuals know their worth. They also know that they cannot crack all the interviews despite their talent and deserving qualities. Because life is unpredictable and they can't have control over the outcome.

• These individuals have or showcase resilience in the face of disappointment. About this, I suggest you read this article which talks about resilience. However, to summarize information from that source tells us that adverse events don't have to determine the outcome of our life. There are many other aspects in our life that we can control, modify and grow with. It empowers to grow and improve life along the way. Let's have thick skin, toughness, and elasticity in our personalities. Don't forget to read the article about resilience, it's super helpful. I will read it again and again.

• These individuals don't judge themselves harshly, on the contrary, they show compassion and treat themselves the way they treat the ones they care about. Well, this is something we can do easily by just becoming aware of how we are behaving with ourselves on a day-to-day and time to time and seconds to seconds basis.

• These individuals don't spend any amount of time controlling the outcomes nor the impressions of others. Well, this point is self-explanatory, however, we tend to forget it all the time, especially me. So how can we just follow this rule? It's not so simple, especially if you were like me who became the victim to this thought of controlling the outcomes. I've learned that fear is the protagonist here. We have to address our underlying fears and emotions that go with it. Ask questions like what it is that you are afraid of losing from the outcome?

For instance, I am planning to move abroad, and I hope I get my visa soon. Once I land there, I'm afraid whether will I secure a job in the IT industry as an analyst soon or late. If I'm late, will I clear the loans and debts that I owe? This fear of not earning enough money to clear the loans and build a career & life in a new country is constantly haunting me. To add to this, I also have thoughts about what my parents and my brother think about me if I don't settle soon and get a white-collar job.

So over here I am in control of certain things to get a job and more things that are not in my control. Things that are in my control are my skills, I feel confident about it and my motivation to attain a job. So my confidence and motivation and my skills and personality are something I have control over, that's it. I don't have control over anything else. Will I secure a job then? Maybe yes but even if I don't sooner there will be other jobs that will help me in making money. Plus, here I have to manage what will my parents and brother think if I work at any job until I get a good one.

Well, they definitely won't like it or try to spoon-feed me again. To answer this, I will have to reject what they think about me and I should worry about what is important at the moment in time I am in. This is the solution. But in the end, I will get the job I want because I am super qualified and talented enough. It's just fear and invulnerability causing me to overthink.

Well, the example of the last point is quite long but it's my real example which is why I went all in but those were some tips, and I'm sure that you can find many on the internet, however, I wanted to write some down with my additions that will enable you and me to be vulnerable.

Thanks for reading.